They don't love you like I love you

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - Since U Been Gone

Okay, I actually wrote a post about music. I guess it oughtta be crossposted here. Anyway, in that 2005 Mix CD exchange that I participated in, Rich's mix included a cool cover of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" performed by those indie darlings, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists. It's well worth checking out. Oh hey, this is where Vox comes in handy. Looky! It's right there to the left! That's pretty nifty, but I write about music about as often as I write about the virtues of flossing, so I'm still probably not going to use this very often. Although I feel silly that the lack of HTML support when it comes to crossposting is easily gotten around by just copying and pasting the final output. Duh!

Anyhow, at the bridge, Ted Leo segues into a section that's not in the original song. For the longest time, I assumed it was a little something he just came up with himself. But during the drive back from Burning Man, the song came up on my iPod Shuffle. Brooke had never heard the cover before, but to my surprise, she started singing along with that part of the song. She couldn't remember where it was from, so when I got home, I tracked it down and, of course, it turns out to be from "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which I promptly bought from allofmp3.com.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

In the off chance you're as out of touch as I am, you can listen to it over there on the right (again, nifty!). Aha! Ted Leo merged the two songs because they feature an almost identical guitar riff. Clever guy. And it's also a catchy song in its own right that's been stuck in my head ever since. Although I typically don't pay attention to lyrics initially, I will start delving into them if I listen to a song enough times, and so I've got to say that this song's got me stumped. I'm not an idiot. I know that Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" is not a patriotic anthem, but is about a man's disillusionment after the Korean War. And I know that it's not really "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" or "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

But I just don't get "Maps."

Here are the lyrics:

Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say

Wait, they don't love you like I love you.
Wait, they don't love you like I love you.
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps.
Wait! They don't love you like I love you.

Made off
Don't stray
Well, my kind's your kind
I'll stay the same!
Pack up,
But don't stray.
Oh say, say, say.
Oh say, say, say!

Wait! They don't love you like I love you.
Wait! They don't love you like I love you.
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps.

(chorus repeats a few times)

It's clear that the narrator is pleading with somebody about to leave her, but what the fuck do "maps" have to do with anything? In "They don't love you like I love you," it sounds like "they" refers to "maps," which doesn't make any sort of sense. That's a pretty sad case to be making if you are reduced to claiming that you love somebody more than a stoopid map would, or any other random noun of your choosing, for that matter:

"Please don't leave me!"
"Why?"
"Because... because I love you! I love you more than... more than that map does!"
"Well gee, I would hope so!"
"Well, more than multiple maps, even! Or... or... that pencil sharpener over there. Or hey, that gazebo!"
"I hate that gazebo. It's got a leaky roof."
"Yes, but it still loooooves you! Gazebo love is always destined to be an unrequited love."
"Yeah, and so is yours."
"But... but... uhh... parallelogram!"
"Um, okay. See ya! Have a nice and very strange life.

Not exactly the most compelling of arguments.

Okay, okay, the whole "I'm straight" and "my kind's your kind" tips me off that perhaps the narrator is a straight gal talking to lesbian who's on the verge of leaving her because she wants to be with someone who isn't straight. Perhaps a scenario similar to that in Kissing Jessica Stein.

But the song would still make more sense if they'd picked more apt noun, such as... I dunno... say... the Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. Cuz that'd be something! At least a vibrator can simulate sweet lovin' a lot better than a map could, and that's even if you rolled the map up and applied generous amounts of lube. Sheesh, maps are already hard enough to fold up without having them all slippery and covered with juiciness and possibly santorum.

Besides, a noun with more syllables might fit the music better, cuz then you wouldn't have to drag out "maps" into "ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps" which becomes so hard to understand that you wouldn't know what the word was without knowing the title of the song. Not to mention that the title and the song would become a lot more memorable. And that's in addition to becoming more plausible. Because at least if the song didn't work, you might still convince a lesbian into staying by threatening their Magic Wand vibrator with bodily harm.

(although that would not be particularly recommended if they are a very butch dyke)