An e-mail we've sent to our family and friends:
After over five years of (mostly) happy marriage, we have decided that, although we still love each other, we should not remain married. Irreconcilable differences would probably be the best description of what's going on, but it's a bit more complicated than that. Some of you might know that we've had some difficulties early this year, so we started marriage counseling. After a few months, we thought we had worked through the worst of it, but it later turned out that things were not how we perceived them to be. Still, we had developed the tools to communicate what we needed out of ourselves and our partner, and thus came to the realization that we could not meet those needs for each other.
We've gone through a lot of major changes and growth through the years (ironically, this could not have occurred without the other's encouragement and support). While we don't think these changes were the root cause of our problems, the tensions they created brought our underlying issues to the surface, issues that we were avoiding precisely because we feared their implications. But we cannot ignore them any longer, and as we've feared, they are not resolvable, as they involve things like children and personal values.
We still love each other very much, but sometimes love just isn't enough. So please, when trying to comfort one of us, do not try to do so by tearing down the other. This won't make us feel any better, and will merely cause us to think less of you for failing to respect someone that we love and respect. We're parting amicably and plan to remain close friends, so you may even see us around together sometime.
So we are separating for now and will likely be filing for divorce in the next several months. Erika will be moving out on Friday to her own place in Oakland to be closer to her new job, and will be keeping her same cell phone number. Maybe the time apart will change the situation, maybe not. Regardless, we both wish the other well and are sure they will be tremendous forces for positive change in this world. Thank you all for the love and support you've given us throughout the years.
In the past couple of months, I've wasted far too much time hitting the reload button on my my Flickr page to count the number of views each photos is getting and reloading my LJ friends page to see if there are any updates. Part of this is probably psychological in nature, whether it be my being too depressed to be more productive or being addicted or whatever.
But I guess this is also an indicator that my courseload isn't as bad as I intiially thought and I actually do have some time to spare this semester (and indeed, I have taken on a bigger workload at the Spartan Daily). So I've decided to put this time to better use by getting back on top of my RSS feeds. I used to stay on top of a large number of political and economics blogs, all of which went by the wayside at the beginning of the year, partially because I decided not to read these things at work anymore when I shifted to part-time. And partially because my feed-reader was MS Outlook-based, which I just don't use that much anymore now that I rely on Gmail.
So I've finally resurrected my Bloglines account and have loaded up a bunch of subscriptions. So far it seems to be working. I'm spending a lot less time reloading those same pages over and over again and am instead reading a lot more and keeping up on current events. Indeed, I'm also commenting a lot more again on other blogs. I used to be ridiculously prolific in that respect to the point that I started using the del.icio.us social bookmarking service to track my comments on various blogs to check back for replies.
I hadn't done so in a while because most of my comments lately have been on LJ, which notifies me via e-mail of replies. But I've made a bunch lately. Interestingly enough, I was at del.icio.us's 3rd birthday party at Yahoo! tonight and mentioning this practice to somebody (Kevin maybe?) who thought it was interesting. I even chose to publish a few to the sidebar of my long-neglected "real blog". Perhaps I'll come across a blog post that pisses me enough that a mere comment will not suffice and I'll finally be motivated to write something substantive again.
Given that Vox has fixed my one complaint with it, I will tentatively try crossposting some of my LJ stuff here.
I haven't been to a concert in a while, mostly due to lack of time and money when I decided to go back to school. But when Dan, the photo editor at the Spartan Daily, mentioned they needed a photographer to shoot the Download Festival, I took one look at the lineup and leapt at the chance. Okay, to be sure, I had to think about it, because I thought I had three midterms this week (although it turns out I just have one, and in a class I'm finding pretty easy). Of course, we weren't able to send a writer, but I said I shouldn't have any problem writing up something myself.
I've never shot a concert before. Well, I've taken shots at things like the San Jose Jazz Festival for my own personal use. This was different, so I was both excited and nervous. I'm always a little nervous at an assignment, especially when it's at a kind of event I haven't done before. Usually it's not too bad, but this was also the first time I was shooting something where there were other photographers also shooting. Professionals. It's a bit intimidating.
It didn't help that I'd resolved to stop smoking for at least a week (for reasons that would be mostly TMI to recount), so I didn't have that crutch to calm my nerves. It was doubly difficult because listening to music is one of many things that I love to enjoy with a cigarette (photography is another one). Not to mention that there were a lot of smokers there, as that's one of the main advantages of an outdoor venue. Dangit.
Anyway, Kaari finally arrived, and the two other photographers handed her a signed form. Apparently it was a release form that I hadn't received. I struggled to keep down the panic, since my worst fear was being turned away at the gate for some stupid reason, like not being on the list or something, but she said she'd just go get me a copy. Apparently, Beck makes all the photographers sign an extremely stringent waiver where he retains the rights to all the photographs and we aren't allowed to use them for anything other than the publication we were shooting for. I was a little bummed, but was mostly glad that he was the only artist who was doing that despite the fact that there were plenty of other pretty big names on the bill.
There were a lot of photographers there by this time. Some of which were carrying fold-up stools, which of course just made me more nervous, not having known to bring one. I wasn't very social, feeling self-conscious and irrationally afraid of being outed as a woefully unprepared newbie. But most of the photographers didn't seem to socialize with each other that much either. I know photography is a pretty competitive field, so I wondered whether they all saw each other as the enemy.
I got my media badge, which made me very happy, but no ticket, since they don't give them out to photographers. That was kind of a bummer, because the badge is only good for the first three songs of every act. But hey, I still got in for free, so I shouldn't complain. They then led us to the photographer's pit of the second stage. It seems cooler when you're not allowed in it. It's nothing but a fenced off area. Kinda disappointing. Not a lot of room to maneuver, either, and as the stage was much higher than the ground, we weren't at a great angle to shoot from. Of course, that's exactly why some of the other photographers brought stools. Still, there were some raised platforms near the stage. I started to climb up on one to see what the sightlines were like from them, but I got yelled at by someone holding a video camera. Apparently those were only for video. They didn't have to be so rude about it. It's not like anybody explained any of this to me, so how the heck was I supposed to know that?
After that, it was just a matter of waiting until the first act went on at 2:30 PM. As we had been escorted to the pit area, I had no idea whether we were allowed to leave it or not, and since I was feeling rather intimidated by everybody, I was too nervous to ask and just cracked out some of my econ reading. Of course, we weren't actually trapped in there and were perfectly free to move around the grounds. But I had a lot of reading to catch up on anyway, and part of me kinda relished the opportunity to show that I wasn't planning on going into this line of work anyway because there were other things I was better at. That's been a long weakness of mine. When I'm feeling inadequate at something, I have a tendency to try and demonstrate superiority in other ways (and given my myriad interests, there's always something). But I don't think anybody noticed because they all had left to do other things or something.
Anyway, once the shows started, I did my thing and got into a groove, and the nervousness just melted away. Shooting musical acts actually isn't much different from shooting anything else in photojournalism. I was a little worried about only being allowed to shoot for three songs, but it turned out that this was plenty of time. Indeed, I found that I almost always had all the shots I needed within the first two songs, as I ended up taking mostly redundant shots during the third one. I was also trying to make sure I shot at least some of each artist in RAW format. It takes up a lot more space (and thus a lot longer for the camera to write to the memory card), but is a lot more forgiving in post-processing. However, given that I had ten acts to shoot, there wouldn't be enough room on all my memory cards to shoot everything in RAW. It also took me a while to switch between modes, which always got me nervous that I might be missing something important.
As it was, I did fine and didn't need to adjust the shots too much in post-processing. There was no need to adjust the white balance, as daylight is perfectly fine, and stage lighting that isn't white is intentionally colored for a reason and thus doesn't need to be corrected. And I was careful to make sure the exposure was correct, upping even to 1600 ISO when it got dark (in the past, I would mistakenly avoid 1600 ISO at all costs because I had heard that it sucks -- upping the ISO decreases the light you need but results in more grainy pictures). But it wasn't so dark that I couldn't use the 24-70 (although I did try using the 85mm for a little bit, I found switching to be more trouble than it was worth). Also, I did eventually see quite a few other photographers with the exact same lens I was using.
Also, the main stage was a lot easier to shoot, because it wasn't that much raised from the photographer's pit, and so nobody used stools. It was a bit tighter quarters, but everybody was good at staying out of each other's way. There wasn't any fighting or jockeying for position that I had imagined. I got plenty of shots from all the angles I wanted, and indeed, would go out of my way to not take up a good spot for very long so that the real photographers with real jobs could take their turn there.
And so I was able to relax a little bit and enjoy the show. I'll write up my thoughts about the show, but I'll wait until I'm done uploading all the photos to Flickr so that I can include them along with the post. I even loosened up and chatted with some of the other photographers. One guy, Tim, seemed kinda eccentric, and kept talking about his construction work where he had some sort of accident with a drill bit that ended up with shards of metal in his eye which had to be removed in an emergency room (no permanent damage, and it wasn't his shooting eye). I also chatted with another photographer who it turned out shot for Spin Magazine. I thought that was a bit intimidating, but she was pretty friendly (I think her name was Stephanie?), and I think a bit glad that I had chatted with her because she had seemed pretty bored before that. I also chatted a little bit with Dai Sugano who shoots for the Mercury News but is a SJSU alum who'd given a talk to the SJSU NPPA about the rise of multimedia in photojournalism. He also seemed glad to chat with me (and waved to me several times when we ran into each other later -- although I don't think I remembered to tell him my name, so I'm sure he has no idea who I am), which surprised me cuz he seemed a bit aloof from everybody else. Maybe all the photogs just think all the other photogs are out to get them when they're all just thinking the same thing?
Anyway, that was most of my weekend. I took over a thousand shots (more than necessary, as it turns out, due to the many redundant ones), so it took a while to process and winnow them them down to the seventy that I showed the photo editor (I'll upload a bit more than that to Flickr -- you can see some of them now, the rest'll be uploaded over the course of the next two weeks). But that doesn't feel like work. I wonder whether that's a sign that I should go into photography instead of economics. I still don't think I'm good enough to do that well, and I still don't think it's where I can make the biggest difference in this world. But there's something to be said for having a job that's fun. I guess I'm shooting a wider variety of assignments for The Daily this semester, so that'll give me a much better idea of it.
Okay, I actually wrote a post about music. I guess it oughtta be crossposted here. Anyway, in that 2005 Mix CD exchange that I participated in, Rich's mix included a cool cover of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" performed by those indie darlings, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists. It's well worth checking out. Oh hey, this is where Vox comes in handy. Looky! It's right there to the left! That's pretty nifty, but I write about music about as often as I write about the virtues of flossing, so I'm still probably not going to use this very often. Although I feel silly that the lack of HTML support when it comes to crossposting is easily gotten around by just copying and pasting the final output. Duh!
Anyhow, at the bridge, Ted Leo segues into a section that's not in the original song. For the longest time, I assumed it was a little something he just came up with himself. But during the drive back from Burning Man, the song came up on my iPod Shuffle. Brooke had never heard the cover before, but to my surprise, she started singing along with that part of the song. She couldn't remember where it was from, so when I got home, I tracked it down and, of course, it turns out to be from "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which I promptly bought from allofmp3.com.
In the off chance you're as out of touch as I am, you can listen to it over there on the right (again, nifty!). Aha! Ted Leo merged the two songs because they feature an almost identical guitar riff. Clever guy. And it's also a catchy song in its own right that's been stuck in my head ever since. Although I typically don't pay attention to lyrics initially, I will start delving into them if I listen to a song enough times, and so I've got to say that this song's got me stumped. I'm not an idiot. I know that Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" is not a patriotic anthem, but is about a man's disillusionment after the Korean War. And I know that it's not really "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" or "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."
But I just don't get "Maps."
Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, say you'll
Oh say, say, sayWait, they don't love you like I love you.
Wait, they don't love you like I love you.
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps.
Wait! They don't love you like I love you.Made off
Don't stray
Well, my kind's your kind
I'll stay the same!
Pack up,
But don't stray.
Oh say, say, say.
Oh say, say, say!Wait! They don't love you like I love you.
Wait! They don't love you like I love you.
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps.(chorus repeats a few times)
It's clear that the narrator is pleading with somebody about to leave her, but what the fuck do "maps" have to do with anything? In "They don't love you like I love you," it sounds like "they" refers to "maps," which doesn't make any sort of sense. That's a pretty sad case to be making if you are reduced to claiming that you love somebody more than a stoopid map would, or any other random noun of your choosing, for that matter:
"Please don't leave me!"
"Why?"
"Because... because I love you! I love you more than... more than that map does!"
"Well gee, I would hope so!"
"Well, more than multiple maps, even! Or... or... that pencil sharpener over there. Or hey, that gazebo!"
"I hate that gazebo. It's got a leaky roof."
"Yes, but it still loooooves you! Gazebo love is always destined to be an unrequited love."
"Yeah, and so is yours."
"But... but... uhh... parallelogram!"
"Um, okay. See ya! Have a nice and very strange life.
Not exactly the most compelling of arguments.
Okay, okay, the whole "I'm straight" and "my kind's your kind" tips me off that perhaps the narrator is a straight gal talking to lesbian who's on the verge of leaving her because she wants to be with someone who isn't straight. Perhaps a scenario similar to that in Kissing Jessica Stein.
But the song would still make more sense if they'd picked more apt noun, such as... I dunno... say... the Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. Cuz that'd be something! At least a vibrator can simulate sweet lovin' a lot better than a map could, and that's even if you rolled the map up and applied generous amounts of lube. Sheesh, maps are already hard enough to fold up without having them all slippery and covered with juiciness and possibly santorum.
Besides, a noun with more syllables might fit the music better, cuz then you wouldn't have to drag out "maps" into "ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps" which becomes so hard to understand that you wouldn't know what the word was without knowing the title of the song. Not to mention that the title and the song would become a lot more memorable. And that's in addition to becoming more plausible. Because at least if the song didn't work, you might still convince a lesbian into staying by threatening their Magic Wand vibrator with bodily harm.
(although that would not be particularly recommended if they are a very butch dyke)
Ya know, I'm already crossposting everything on both LiveJournal and MySpace, and pretty much everybody I know here is already on at least one of them. So until I find the time and the willingness to be updating/checking yet another site (in addition to those two plus Flickr), look for me elsewhere. As it is, I haven't even had time to update the "real" blog.
And good lord, they don't even accept HTML tags (which is something LJ, MySpace, and Flickr do). Which means it wouldn't even be convenient to crosspost here if I wanted to. Huge strike. I'm not even going to bother to fix this post just out of principle.
Update 9/29/06: Oh wait, now they do! Yay!
